


Gotham Knights vs. New York Mets

by BluBooThalassophile



Series: HfaB Universe [38]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 09:45:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluBooThalassophile/pseuds/BluBooThalassophile
Summary: It's just a muggy summer day in Gotham for a ballgame and time out as civilians. Naturally things can only go batshit crazy with family antics for this outing.





	Gotham Knights vs. New York Mets

It was a muggy July morning for Gotham City, the Fourth of July weekend was the first family outing, since the controlled, leaked feeds of the wedding. Somehow Jason had been dragged to this outing, which was an agitation that had him checking on the news every five minutes and an Arkham security check (which courtesy of Harley and Ivy, he had), monitoring the Joker’s cell. Roy was even here, mostly to ensure he was here, Jason had managed to finagle Roy out of the Starling Rocket colors for the game, wrangling Roy into the Knights colors. Terry was perched on Jason’s shoulders as he stood in the crowd feeling agitated as he scanned the crowd.

Naturally Jason was in the Knights colors, as only any true Gothamite would be, and he’d beat the shit out of anyone who talked down about his team.

“This is dull,” Kate huffed out.

“You didn’t have to come,” Selina pointed out sweetly as she walked to the group, he smiled a bit at her. She had taken the role of mothering him seriously, and he kind of liked it as she looped her arm around him.

“My cousin is always welcomed,” Bruce said as he walked into the group.

“Thanks B,” Kate said reluctantly. Jay kind of got why B was so intent on inviting Kate into the family now, a year ago she had kind of gone rogue after being kicked out of West Point for Conduct Unbecoming of an Officer. Something about her unsettled Jason, but what was infuriating was the double standard B had for her. Another reason to dislike Kate, but Jason was trying desperately to be a bigger person. Failing.

“Hey, we’re here!” Dick appeared grinning as he ran to them, holding Kori’s hand. “Hey Roy!” Dick greeted as he held Mar'i tight to his hip.

“We’re just waiting for Drake and the girls now,” Damian sneered, Jason caught Helena with his foot before leaning over and hoisting her up.

“Kitten,” he mused holding the giggling kid face level. Helena’s curls were everywhere, and he chuckled as she securely grabbed his Gotham Knights jersey before she climbed up to his shoulder.

“My Jay!” Terry shrieked.

“No screaming Duck!” Jason warned the older toddler.

“We’re here!” Tim announced.

“Why am I here?” Raven demanded.

“Cause we said so, and we’re the Waffle Queens, incomplete without our third Queen.” Stephanie announced.

“Traitor,” Jason stated seeing his best friend dressed in a New York Met’s ballcap and jersey, mini shorts and boots. The demoness frowned at him and he glared in retaliation.

“I will remind you heathens I am a New Yorker.” Raven snapped.

“What would your mothers say!” Selina gasped.

“Harley’s from Staten Island,” Raven remarked. “And Ivy asked who’d want to be from Gotham. Vic said it was only slightly better than Philly, but we’ll leave the semantics of that alone.”

“I can’t believe my best friend is a Mets fan! I’m gonna be mugged by the end of the day!” Jason grimaced.

“Your husband is a Rockets fan!” Roy chimed up.

“Rockets suck worse than the Meteors,” Jason snapped.

“I’d be insulted, but I can’t be,” Roy sighed.

“This is normal?” Duke sputtered.

“What about it kiddo?” Selina purred as they started moving through the lines.

“You’re all billionaires,” Duke said.

“Actually, B is, we just mooch off him,” Stephanie retorted.

“Only moocher here is you Steph,” Tim countered.

“What about Rae!?” Stephanie balked.

“The Queen of Hell is no moocher!” Jason stated.

“That’s right, besides, I mooch off Vic, so I’m not B’s,” Raven responded.

“Naturally, besides, the Queen of Hell is far too good for us mere mortals, especially the Drama Queen,” Jason said slinging his free arm over her shoulders. Raven’s arm wrapped around his waist then.

“You’re one to talk,” Dick said.

“I’m not Drama Queen!” Jason snapped.

“Just a Damned Prince of Gotham,” Tim snickered.

“Prince and Queen!” Cass giggled.

“Hardy-Har-Har, No.” Jason snapped at the two idiots.

“You’re an imbecile Todd.”

“Only for getting caught,” Jason rolled his eyes as they were now being directed into the stadium. Roy shoved his shoulder and Jason rolled his eyes, he was very reluctant to go to this, but he was eternally grateful to Roy for coming along. Though Roy did kind of owe him for all the Arrow stuff Jason went to. But this was all besides the point. Raven and Roy were helping his agitation levels stay somewhat reasonable, he still wished he had brought Ace; the dog helped a lot for his agitation levels. The Pit was boiling beneath his skin as a conscious itch he wanted to scratch but he was ignoring it and his craving for a cigarette since he was in the presence of the kids.

“At least you’re not a Yankees fan,” Jason resigned.

“I’m the Devil’s Spawn, not the Devil, Jay,” Raven remarked.

“You know, statistically speaking, the Yankees could be under a Devil’s contract, their stats are just way too good for normal baseball,” Tim piped up.

“The Devil has owned that team since the start,” Raven dismissed.

“What!?” Stephanie and Duke sputtered.

“You didn’t honestly think that Lucifer would go into the pro baseball business if he didn’t have a winning horse team did you?” Raven asked.

“You’re joking right? She’s joking,” Duke demanded as he looked at Cass for answers.

Cass shrugged.

“That explains a lot, you don’t even know,” Roy sighed.

“Dick we must smile, the paparazzi are here,” Kori announced, immediately Jason pulled his cap lower as Terry giggled.

“No, Kori, we’re here for a ballgame, and family time, screw the paparazzi!” Dick snapped. For the first time in Jason’s memorable life he was eternally grateful to Dick for that simple statement. But then again, paparazzi had screwed up his and Kori’s honeymoon. The trip to Madeira was cancelled entirely because of paparazzi and the million dollar photo bribe to see the happy couple intimate. Dick had been furious. Especially when Kori had been cornered in the private airport’s bathroom by a male photographer and reporter wanting answers about their marriage. They had now postponed to attend Wally and Artemis’ wedding, then sneak out of San Diego for their Honeymoon which would be about October rather than the original June date now. Jay almost felt bad for Dick and Kori, but he also knew they were reluctant to leave Mar'i alone for three weeks with B and the family as her powers were manifesting more rapidly now.

“Oh, Jay, chilidogs!” Selina gasped, and he looked at his mom’s pointing. His stomach growled a bit at the sight before him.

“Just like old time’s Jaylad,” Bruce said softly, and Jason’s eyes flicked to B’s. B was trying, Jason didn’t know how to take that though, but today he’d give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Those are disgusting, do you even know what they do to those animals!?” Damian hissed.

“No, and we get you don’t like meat but respect that we do and don’t tell us,” Raven said.

“No waffles,” Cass pouted.

“We’re at a ball game, not a diner!” Tim stated.

“We’re going if the Knight’s lose.”

“Well in that case we’ll be there this evening, Dick’s paying!” Duke shouted.

“WHAT!?”

“So long as it’s not me paying I’m in!” Roy declared.

“You’re a traitor, the Knights are going to win, the Mets suck.”

“Jay, My Mets Might Suck, but Jay, your Knights are fucking cursed.”

“Did you curse them? That would be cheating if you did.”

“Do I look like I have a goat on had to do cursing?”

“What’s a goat have to do with anything?”

“How do you think the Cubs got cursed?” she demanded. Jason scowled at that as he walked through the security, he was vastly relieved that they didn’t notice his ceramic knives. Raven squeezed his arm as they walked into the stadium, he kind of felt relieved having Raven here, and he knew that wasn’t her empathy.

“You better not curse my Knights,” Selina snapped at Raven.

“Again, I don’t have a goat.”

“Still,” Selina warned.

“Why’s it always goats?”

“Goats are naturally magically endowed, dumber than a box of rocks, but the amount of magic in them, it’s so dark, tasty too if cooked right.” Raven informed them with a smile.

“I Hate Magic,” Bruce muttered.

“I love Magic, the world needs more Magic.”

“Not in Gotham,” Bruce warned her.

“Please, Gotham is a cesspool of the dark powers of the universe.”

“Really!?” Dick demanded.

“You’re surprised?”

“No, not really,” Tim omitted, holding Tammy’s hand.

“I hate Gotham,” Jason muttered. Raven elbowed him and he hissed at the jostling of his ribs. A few hits from Artemis sparring had cracked them, he felt the burn of the Lazarus Pit over them. “Little bird, you’re lucky you’re cute, but touch my ribs again and I’ll make your life hell.”

“I can fix them,” she offered.

“Don’t,” he warned, he could feel the Pit too close to the surface. Raven’s head snapped over and he saw her eyes pulse white before he frowned.

“The Pit?” she asked softly.

“Let’s just enjoy the ballgame.” He gestured for her to continue forward.

“Oh look Mar'i cotton candy!” Kori announced.

“Come on let’s get cotton candy!” Kori announced, Raven chuckled as she caught Terry, Lian and Helena ran after Kori with Roy shouting for them to wait up.

This wasn’t so bad, Jay decided. It was just a day, at a ballfield with a couple of mooks, and nobody would care, and Gotham wasn’t going to hell. It wasn’t a bad day, not yet. Jay could do this.

“You’re an imbecile,” Damian announced.

Jason rolled his eyes at that.

“Dude, do you ever shut your mouth?” Duke demanded.

“Twerp, hit puberty and a growth spurt then maybe you can call me an imbecile, and only if you can beat me in a fight.” Jason warned the kid.

“No killing!” Bruce snapped.

“B, settle down, it’s just brothers, being brothers,” Selina caught B by the shoulders and Jason snickered. “Besides, my favorite son would never harm his little brothers.”

“Yes, yes I would, I just wouldn’t get caught.” Jason said smugly. Many multiverse ventures had been this way, and when he had been cornered or caught, he’d beaten the shit out of them.

“See, we’re fine!”

“That’s not encouraging!” Tim balked.

“We can always beat up Drake.” Damian offered.

“We’re not beating up Tim!” Dick shouted.

“I could take him,” Tim decided.

“I side with Tim.” Jay decided.

“What?”

“Man if there’s going to be a war then Tim’s going to win, only way I lose is if all the coffee in the world disappears,” Jason decided.

“It’s scary how you decided that,” Tammy decided.

“Just saying, Him and the Little Bird together, world domination.” Jay shrugged.

“Nah man, Rae and Alfred,” Duke corrected.

“No, that’s universal domination,” Tim corrected.

“Don’t get them teaming up, evil will run then we’ll have no more waffles!” Stephanie balked.

Cass nodded in agreement.

“I as the cook for the Queen of Hell can assure you that the waffle supply will never cease to be,” Jason stated.

“So you admit you and Raven are an item!?” Tammy squealed.

“No, I’m the Adviser and the Cook.”

“What am I?” Dick demanded.

“The Fool?” Jason offered.

“Why do you get a say in the Queen’s court?” Stephanie pouted.

“Cause I was self-appointed. The Vice President position wasn’t available to have also,” Jason shrugged.

“Well I want in,” Tammy decided.

“Me too,” Stephanie decided.

“Yes!” Cass grinned.

“You want in on Hell’s Court?” Tim sputtered.

“Why not.”

“Dibs on being the Fool!” Dick announced.

“Who’s a Fool?” Raven asked.

“Batty family wants in on the Court of Hell,” Tim smiled at her.

"Well, in that case I have a Prime Minster, a Queen's Consort, Vice President, Advisor/Cook, and Captain of the Guard, and a Kevin."

"That's not how a court is built," Bruce said.

"I'm the Queen, I make the rules."

"I'm aunt of the Queen."

"NO!" Damian shouted.

"Why not!?" Selina sputtered.

"No incest," Damian stated.

"Again with this, Damian, it's not happening!" Raven snapped.

"Seems like it already did," Kori giggled.

"I will kick you." Raven warned.

"I'm the sister to the Queen," Kori purred.

"Familiar claims can be revoked at any time due to annoyances," Raven warned.

"Doesn't work that way sunshine," Jason grinned.

"Hey, Rae, if everyone has a part in this Court, what's Donna? And am I just Kevin or can I be something else while being a Kevin?"

"Well, Donna's an Ambassador, obviously. And you can be a consort if you want, along with obviously being my minion."

"Oh! So I get to be sexy arm candy!?" Roy grinned.

"Yeah," she shrugged.

"I like that, I'm the Queen of Hell's Consort!" Roy grinned.

"You have no power, you nimrod." Damian snapped.

"So? I just wanna be paid to look pretty! And my Title is Kevin!"

“I Princess!” Lian declared.

“Befitting,” Jason shrugged.

“I’m Kitten!”

“Can I be Duck Dodgers!?” Terry squealed delightfully.

“The Court can use a Duck Dodgers,” Raven decided thoughtfully.

“This is getting seriously out of hand,” Bruce decided.

“No killjoys are permitted in the Court of Hell,” Raven decided.

“Young lady,” he started.

“You will address the Queen as your highness or your grace,” Tim snickered.

“Oh, I like that! Your Grace! Makes me sound important!”

“I will sooner call you a slew of curses than your highness.” Jason warned.

“You are permitted to call me your grace, little bird, sunshine, but call me princess and I’ll break your nose; again.” Raven warned.

“Deal.”

“That’s not fair!” Tim whined. “The rest of us benevolent subjects have to call you ‘your highness’ why not him?”

“Because he’s a bastard,” Raven decided. Jason chuckled as he slung his arm around her shoulders, Raven smirked as she took a bite of cotton candy.

“You two sure you ain’t a couple!?” Tammy chuckled.

“We are secretly dating and have a secret love child named Alice who resides in the realm Wonderland for her safety and our sanity while we are a diplomatic envoy for the Green Lantern Corps of fuck ups. Obviously we’re not dating,” Jason snapped as he held up a hand for the beer guy who was walking their way.

“You two act awfully couple-ly.”

“Trust us, we’re not a couple,” Raven said.

“I don’t trust you two,” Stephanie and Cass announced.

“Too bad.”

“Jay!” Terry shouted.

“Duck.”

“Team!” Terry pointed.

“Good call little man.”

“Jay?”

“Hm?”

“Can I be Robin?”

“No!” Damian snapped.

“Well, maybe in the future but you’re too little little bro,” Dick chuckled ruffling Terry’s hair.

“I wanna be Robin!” Mar'i stated.

“Over My Dead Body,” Dick stated.

“She is not fragile Dick,” Kori protested.

“She’s my little girl!”

“So!?” Kori demanded.

“Girls… can’t be Robin!” Dick decided quickly.

“Excuse me!” Stephanie squawked.

“What about that blonde who was Robin!? I have clippings of her!” Tammy stated.

“Robin is always a boy, Mar'i will not be Robin.” Dick stated.

“That’s sexist and we’ll be having none of that!” Jay decided. “Mar'i can be whatever she wants to be when she is old enough to make informed decisions.”

B flinched a bit at this.

“Hey look, the game is about to start,” Selina cheered.

“Yes!” Raven grinned.

“Finally, beer is getting warm.”

“I miss beer.”

“You like being sober.”

“I like being sober.”

“If anyone is a couple it’s Roy and Jay,” Raven decided.

“You dare to call me and my husband out in public!” Roy gasped, grasping his heart.

“You two have a kid and a dog together with a business, I’m surprised the paparazzi hasn’t used this information to shatter young girls heart’s everywhere!” Raven mocked.

“But you know you’re my only Queen right?” Roy asked.

“You’re a consort, I demand loyalty, not fidelity,” Raven offered.

“And this is why we bow to the Queen,” Roy and Jay decided in unison.

“Oh little brother,” Cass giggled.

“The answer is no. And remains no.”

“Jay and Rae sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!” Stephanie and Cass started.

“I think you mean Roy.” Roy said.

“Buddy, I’m not into redheads,” Jason warned.

“So what darling!? I’m not into busted noses.”

“Are you insinuating there’s something wrong with my face?” Jason demanded in mock outrage. He was kind of enjoying this.

“Yup.”

“That’s okay, you have a handsome face if I ever saw one,” Tammy promised.

“You’re stealing my girl now!? Get your own!” Tim shouted hugging Tammy beside him. Jason snickered.

“He’s got Rae,” Damian, Tammy, and Stephanie shouted.

“NO!” He and Raven shouted.

“JayRae forever!” Cass and Stephanie swooned.

“And this is why I don’t come around home.”

“You should come around more often,” Duke said.

“I don’t even know you.”

“That’s the point, besides this isn’t so bad,” Duke shrugged.

“I renounce all ties to this family and wish to resume being a member of the dead,” Jason announced. Raven whacked him up the back side of his head.

“Rethink that you bastard.”

“Awe! They have pet names for each other, so adorable,” Dick cooed.

“I will shoot you asshole.”

“I’ve already shot him!” Kori giggled.

“Atta girl,” Jay cheered.

“You are the biggest feminist,” Roy observed.

“Women rule the world,” he shrugged.

“And that is why he’s my favorite child,” Selina decided.

“What about Helena?” B sputtered.

“The little ones are just developing personalities babe, we’ll pick when they’re older,” Selina mused.

“What about me!?” Dick sputtered.

“Suck it up boy blunder.” Jason snickered.

“You trip one time and you never let it go,” Dick muttered.

“You’re too perfect child,” Tim decided.

“I’m superior,” Damian decided.

“You know, your Napoléon complex is getting out of hand.” Jason stated.

“Be nice,” Raven waved him off.

“He has time to grow into it.” Stephanie smiled.

“Well, there is a quarter chance he could be a dwarf forever,” Tim observed.

“He’s already taller than you, so lose that hope that you’ll be taller than someone.”

“I’m taller than Raven!” Tim shouted.

“I’m not family.”

“You’re Jay’s wife!” Tammy decided.

“And Now Stand For Our National Anthem!” the announcer shouted, Jason caught Terry and dropped the kid on his shoulders as he pulled his cap off while standing.


End file.
